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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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New NBC College Football Poll Gives No. 1 Ranking To 'The Event'

NEW YORK—In its official college football poll for the week of Oct. 4, NBC Sports ranked its new prime-time thriller/suspense series The Event in the top spot over such traditional football powerhouses as Alabama, Florida, and recent popular favorite Boise State. "We respect Ohio State's offense, which is nearly but not quite as riveting as the action and stunning revelations of The Event," analyst Keith Arnold wrote on the NBC Sports website Monday. "And even though there are other top-notch programs out there, none of them matches the week-in, week-out quality of The Event. The Event, Mondays, 9 p.m. Eastern, 8 Central. The Event." Arnold went on to speculate that early Heisman favorites Denard Robinson of Michigan and Andrew Luck of Stanford, while explosive quarterbacks, were perhaps not quite as deserving of the award as the explosive new NBC series The Event.

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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

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