adBlockCheck

Recent News

A Basic Guide To Dream Interpretation

Dreaming is a universal human experience, and many similar themes arise in people’s dreams the world over. The Onion provides some context for interpreting these common dreams:

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Family Sadly Marks First 4/20 Without Grandmother

ALBANY, NY—Reminiscing about the departed matriarch while partaking in the annual festivities, members of the Osterman family sadly marked their first 4/20 since the passing of their grandmother, sources reported Thursday.

Report: Store Out Of Good Kind

UTICA, NY—Unable to locate them on their usual shelf, local man George Rambart, 41, reported Thursday that the store was out of the good kind.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
End Of Section
  • More News

New Netpix Service Sends Unlimited Photographs For Monthly Fee

LOS GATOS, CA—With millions of images to choose from, the new online service Netpix—which allows users to receive up to three pictures at a time for a monthly fee—has quickly become the most popular photograph-rental company in the country.

A Netpix user checks out some of the latest offerings in the "African-American pilots" genre.

Launched in April, the new service offers a wide array of photos and genres, including pictures of sunsets, images of friends sitting around picnic tables, grisly crime scene photos, the complete works of Ansel Adams, snapshots of Carol and her dog, and recent portraits from Tanya Kohler's baby shower at the Treehouse restaurant in Manchester, NH.

"It's so convenient. You get a photo in your mailbox, look at it for a while, and then drop it in the prepaid envelope and send it back," Houston resident Jonathan Collins said. "I'll never look at pictures the same way again."

The company was founded by computer programmers and photography buffs Wallace Lockhart and Kurt Griggs, and has already amassed nearly 50 million users.

Immediately after signing up, subscribers can begin adding images they wish to look at to their rental queue. They then receive an e-mail notification indicating that the photos have been shipped from a nearby distribution facility and will arrive by mail within three business days.

"Our members can keep photographs for as long as they want without ever having to worry about late fees," said Griggs, the company's president, adding that Netpix is much simpler than trying to pick out pictures to look at at the local photo store. "We have something for everyone. Whether you like extreme close-ups of flowers or candid shots of Dave passed out on the couch, it's all here."

According to company CEO Lockhart, Netpix provides personalized recommendations by using an algorithm that analyzes recent rental activity and then makes suggestions based on a member's picture-viewing habits.

For instance, if a user enjoyed viewing the "Stoddard Family Trip To South Dakota," the site might suggest he or she rent "The Ziegler Family Vacation To Six Flags," or perhaps even "The Stoddard Family Cookout, 2006."

"I really enjoy photos of maple trees, but then Netpix recommended that I look at a picture of a birch," Utah resident Sheila Cox said. "I couldn't believe I'd been missing out on such a great tree all this time."

In addition to the computer-generated recommendations, Netpix also features an online community that allows members to connect with other photo fans and discuss their praise and criticisms of recent images they have seen.

"I must say, 'Eric Foster Blows Out The Candles On His Birthday Cake' was completely overrated," read a recent user review on the Netpix website. "Is this really what passes for entertaining photography these days? I barely got halfway through that photo before deciding to mail it back."

"If I wanted cloying sentimentality, I would have just rented 'Katy Ross Opens Her First-Ever Christmas Present' instead," the review added.

Despite the ease and convenience of the service, some Netpix members admitted that the company's distinctive red envelopes often sit unopened in their homes for weeks on end.

"Last month I ordered a picture of a building, because at that moment, I really wanted to see a picture of a building, but when I got it, I just wasn't in the mood," Jane Fairchild of Boston said. "Plus, with my husband working long hours at the office, it's hard for us to find a night when we can both sit down and look at a picture together."

Netpix officials are expected to announce plans next week to debut a new "view instantly" feature, giving customers with the necessary system requirements the ability to watch their favorite photos online.

More from this section

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Family Sadly Marks First 4/20 Without Grandmother

ALBANY, NY—Reminiscing about the departed matriarch while partaking in the annual festivities, members of the Osterman family sadly marked their first 4/20 since the passing of their grandmother, sources reported Thursday.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close