Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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New NHL Promotion Allows Fans To Watch Game While Frozen Underneath Ice

NEW YORK—Promising to provide an exciting up-close and frigid viewing experience, the NHL unveiled a new promotion Thursday offering fans the chance to watch games while frozen underneath the arena ice. “Throughout the month of March, fans in all 30 NHL cities will have the opportunity to sit just inches away from all the heart-pounding hockey action taking place directly above them on the ice,” said NHL vice president of marketing Brian Jennings, adding that, as part of the promotion, paying customers must arrive five hours before the faceoff in order to lie down atop the concrete slab before a layer of ice is installed on all sides of their bodies. “General seating will be available between both blue lines, while premium ticket-holders can be frozen in place right in the heart of the attacking zone. Whether it’s bone-crushing checks or clutch saves, fans can catch it all at 16 degrees Fahrenheit.” Jennings added that the NHL strongly encourages all participants to wait to regain feeling in their extremities before attempting to drive home after the game.

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