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President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.

Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

Tide Debuts New Sour Apple Detergent Pods

CINCINNATI—Calling it the perfect choice for consumers looking to add some tartness to their laundry, Procter and Gamble on Tuesday unveiled a new sour apple Tide detergent pod.

The iPhone Turns 10

A decade ago today, Apple released the iPhone and revolutionized the way humans use technology. Here’s a look back at the evolution of the iPhone:

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.
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New Office Manager Provides Terrifying Glimpse Into Plans For Regime By Placing New Collection Of Teas In Drawer

AUGUSTA, ME—In a dark harbinger of troubled times to come, recently hired office manager Mel Pritchard reportedly placed a new assortment of tea bags in Greydon Media’s kitchen drawer Friday, the first terrifying signal of what to expect from her regime. “I guess now that Mel’s seized the reins of power, we have to somehow get by on nothing but chamomile, chai, and Earl Grey,” said marketing assistant Tara Ganelli, thankful that she’d had the foresight to stash two bags of Lemon Zinger before the newly installed sovereign of the break room had imposed her unshakable rule upon the company’s hot beverage selection. “Fortunately, I still know where the plastic silverware is kept, but then again we’re only three days into the new era—who knows what tyranny tomorrow will bring?” At press time, employees were hopeful at the sudden appearance of donuts, unaware that they would soon arrive at work to discover that the single-serve honey packets had all been taken away.

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Listen, Area Boss Gets It

PHILADELPHIA—Readily admitting that everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense, Greenwave Media accounts manager Bryan Mellis confirmed on Wednesday that he totally gets it.

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