adBlockCheck

New Parents Wisely Start College Fund That Will Pay For 12 Weeks Of Education

Top Headlines

After Birth

Kids Excited Mom Learning To Swear

PESHTIGO, WI—After a lifetime of assiduously avoiding the use of foul language, Helen Chernak, 59, is finally learning to swear, her delighted offspring reported Monday.

Parents Of Crying Child Must Not Be Any Good

WOODBURY, MN—Noting how the pair’s failure to promptly resolve the situation was a clear indication of their inability to raise or care for another human being, sources confirmed Friday that the parents of a crying infant must not be any good.

A Look At The Class Of 2020

This year’s incoming college freshmen will comprise the graduating class of 2020, with the majority of them born in 1998. Here are some facts and figures about these students and their worldview:

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

How To Adopt A Child

Adoption is a beautiful way to provide a loving home for a child, though it is a logistically complex process that might take months or even years to complete. Here are the steps involved in adopting a child:

The Pros And Cons Of Helicopter Parenting

The rising trend of “helicopter parenting,” or hovering over a child’s educational, social, extracurricular, and home life, has been praised by some as true dedication to one’s kids and decried by others for potentially smothering a child’s independent development. Here are the pros and cons of helicopter parenting
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

New Parents Wisely Start College Fund That Will Pay For 12 Weeks Of Education

TRENTON, NJ—In an effort to plan for their newborn daughter’s future, local parents Jonathan and Kate Bradbury have shrewdly begun investing in a college fund that will pay for an estimated 12 weeks of their child’s education, the couple confirmed Wednesday. “As soon as Ashley was born, we started putting aside a little money each week just to make sure that when the time comes, we’ll almost be able to cover her first semester of freshman year,” Kate Bradbury told reporters of the plan that will help offset nearly three months of room and board, the most basic meal plan, and four total textbooks. “It’s just a small amount out of our paychecks, but it adds up. And it’s worth it to have the ease of mind that comes from knowing that, after inflation, we’ll be able to cover barely 9 percent of our little girl’s tuition as long as she takes the minimum course load and doesn’t do too many activities.” Bradbury added that she knew all of the scrimping and saving would ultimately pay off when she finally sees her college-educated daughter land a three-month unpaid internship.

After Birth Video

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close