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New 'Phone Book' Raising Serious Privacy Issues

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360 Tour: Inside The RNC

The Onion invites you to explore our view from the floor of the 2016 Republican National Convention in Cleveland.

Good Guy With Gun, Bad Guy With Gun Both Excited To Unload Firearm In Crowd Outside Arena

CLEVELAND—As each of them looked around at the people gathered outside Quicken Loans Arena and fantasized about unholstering their weapon and taking aim directly at others, both a good guy with a gun and a bad guy with a gun attending the Republican National Convention reportedly worked themselves into a heightened state of excitement Thursday at the thought of unloading their firearm into the crowd.

Bob Dole Picked Off By Large Hawk Circling Arena Parking Lot

CLEVELAND—Describing how the bird of prey suddenly dived down from the sky at high velocity, sources confirmed Thursday that former GOP presidential nominee Bob Dole was picked off by a large red-tailed hawk circling above the Quicken Loans Arena parking lot.
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New 'Phone Book' Raising Serious Privacy Issues

PALO ALTO, CA—Alarmed by the "ever-shrinking security and rights of individuals in the information age," the Palo Alto-based group Citizens For Privacy is calling for strict controls to be placed on "phone books"—printed directories of all the telephone numbers in a specified area. "With this new piece of technology," CFP head Nadine Geary said, "anyone could know your phone number in literally seconds." Exacerbating the situation, Geary said, is the fact that, in many cases, the subject’s address is also printed right next to the number. "If this device is allowed to be distributed,” Geary said, "literally anyone would be able to track you down at any time. It’s frightening."

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