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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.
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New Pixar Employees Required To Watch Adorable Sexual Harassment Video

EMERYVILLE, CA—According to sources within Pixar Studios, all new employees were required Monday to view an adorable eight-minute animated short about sexual harassment that featured Luxo, the company's iconic hopping desk lamp, and a slinking mustachioed glove known as Fingers. "Through the delightful misadventures of Fingers, our employees learn what types of behavior are and are not acceptable in the workplace," said human resources administrator Lydia Price, referring to a scene in which Fingers rubs up against Luxo, repeatedly flicks her light switch on and off, and cups her bulb inappropriately. "And thanks to Pixar's stunning visuals and heartwarming storylines, our sexual harassment film can be enjoyed by adults and children alike." While most new hires gave the video a positive review, they were less enthusiastic about the company's 401(k)-allocation buddy film, Matchy & Roth.

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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

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