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New Poll Finds Most NFL Players Still Not Ready To Date Gay Teammate

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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New Poll Finds Most NFL Players Still Not Ready To Date Gay Teammate

NEW YORK—Providing further evidence of the hesitancy in professional sports to accept homosexual athletes as equals, a new poll published Thursday revealed that more than 97 percent of NFL players are still not ready to date a gay teammate. “Throughout the league there’s a lot of archaic attitudes toward homosexuality, and I’m just not sure NFL players are comfortable enough to enter a monogamous relationship with a gay teammate,” said an anonymous player who felt that a steady dating situation with a homosexual teammate wouldn’t be worth the distractions in the locker room. “I think most players would be open to a one-night stand with a gay teammate, but I really can’t see them tolerating a long-term homosexual relationship.” The poll also revealed that 50 percent of active players would prefer not to know the sexual orientation of a teammate they were fucking.

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