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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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New Porno Worth Checking Out Even For People Who Aren’t Familiar With 5 Guys Jerking Off On Single Pair Of Tits

LOS ANGELES—Adult film fans have praised the newly released Batter Splatter 9, calling the 43-minute pornographic DVD accessible even to people who aren't previously acquainted with five guys jerking off on a single set of tits. "There's something in this movie for everyone, whether you already know something about five men of varying ethnicity repeatedly ejaculating upon the breasts of a young woman, or whether you're a first-time viewer," pornography enthusiast Rick Baineman said Thursday, stressing that the film did not contain any overly esoteric references or jargon-filled dialogue familiar only to longtime devotees. "The first two minutes might be a little confusing to the uninitiated, but once the guys start unzipping their jeans and forming a semicircle, you get brought up to speed pretty quickly." Baineman added that while the film can be enjoyed on multiple levels, those already familiar with pulling out at the last second and climaxing on a woman's face might get more out of it.

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