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Refs Let 49ers Put As Many Men On Field As They Want

SEATTLE—Sighing into the microphone as he stood at the 50-yard line of Centurylink Field, NFL referee Gene Steratore ruled during Sunday’s game that the San Francisco 49ers could put as many men on the field as they want.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

‘FanSided’ Ranks All 128 NFL Teams

NEW YORK—As part of its comprehensive professional football coverage in anticipation of the upcoming season, sports news site ‘FanSided’ published an article Tuesday ranking all 128 NFL teams.

Manager Can’t Remember Why He Came Out To Mound

HOUSTON—Visibly irritated with himself as he paced around the pitcher’s plate after calling for time during the fourth inning of their game against the Washington Nationals, Houston Astros manager A.J. Hinch could not remember why he came out to the mound in the first place, sources confirmed Thursday.
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New Pro Football Hall Of Fame Exhibit Allows Visitors To Experience Concussion

CANTON, OH—In an effort to provide visitors a truly immersive look at the life of an NFL player, the Pro Football Hall of Fame reportedly unveiled a new exhibit Wednesday that allows museum patrons to experience the effects of suffering a concussion on the field of play. “This interactive display gives our guests the unique opportunity to see what it feels like to sustain a real traumatic brain injury as if they were actually being crushed into the turf,” Hall of Fame executive director Stephen Perry said of the newly installed exhibit, in which museum guests insert their head and neck into a tightly fitted box that is then abruptly jolted in order to simulate a vicious helmet-to-helmet hit from a 250-pound linebacker. “We have gone to great lengths to ensure that the entire concussion experience produces the real physical, cognitive, and emotional symptoms resulting from violent head trauma. And we believe our guests will find the entire process—from the moment their vision goes dark to their years and years of ensuing headaches, memory loss, and unpredictable mood swings—utterly fascinating.” Perry noted that immediately following the moment of impact, the Hall of Fame’s staff administers a cursory physical examination in which they determine that the recent concussion isn’t anything serious, after which the visitor’s head goes right back into the box.

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