adBlockCheck

New Pumpkin Spice Channel To Offer Fall-Themed Hardcore Pornography

Top Headlines

Entertainment

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

LOS ANGELES—Saying he can already picture exactly what the finished cut will look like on the big screen, Hollywood film director Paul Stanton told reporters Wednesday he has a clear vision of how studio executives will totally destroy his upcoming movie.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

New Pumpkin Spice Channel To Offer Fall-Themed Hardcore Pornography

NEW YORK—Accommodating their viewers’ nonstop demands for seasonal hardcore porn, Spice Networks has rolled out their new Pumpkin Spice Channel, offering 24-hour autumn-themed pornographic films and videos. “Now the world’s dirtiest sluts can be seen taking it in every hole while they’re apple picking in northern Massachusetts or when their fall foliage tour guide turns out to be a hot M.I.L.F who’s ready to party,” Spice publicist Glenn Fitzhugh said at a Monday press event.  “We are proud to give our fans this new service, launching Friday night with soon-to-be autumnal porn classics The Pumpkin Snatch, In Cider, and Indian Cornholers. You’ll also love our Halloween Spootakular featuring Ron Jeremy in Frankenstein’s Monster Cock.” Fitzhugh added that early subscribers will receive free access to the pay-per-view Skanksgiving broadcast of Gobble-Gobble 2: Stuffed Again.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close