adBlockCheck

Entertainment

The Onion’s Fall TV Preview

Networks are just weeks away from debuting their Fall lineups, featuring both new shows and returning favorites. The Onion breaks down what to watch this Fall.

Most Anticipated Panels At Comic-Con

San Diego Comic-Con kicks off tomorrow, and this year’s schedule is packed with must-see events. Here are the most highly-anticipated panels of Comic-Con 2017.
End Of Section
  • More News

New Pumpkin Spice Channel To Offer Fall-Themed Hardcore Pornography

NEW YORK—Accommodating their viewers’ nonstop demands for seasonal hardcore porn, Spice Networks has rolled out their new Pumpkin Spice Channel, offering 24-hour autumn-themed pornographic films and videos. “Now the world’s dirtiest sluts can be seen taking it in every hole while they’re apple picking in northern Massachusetts or when their fall foliage tour guide turns out to be a hot M.I.L.F who’s ready to party,” Spice publicist Glenn Fitzhugh said at a Monday press event.  “We are proud to give our fans this new service, launching Friday night with soon-to-be autumnal porn classics The Pumpkin Snatch, In Cider, and Indian Cornholers. You’ll also love our Halloween Spootakular featuring Ron Jeremy in Frankenstein’s Monster Cock.” Fitzhugh added that early subscribers will receive free access to the pay-per-view Skanksgiving broadcast of Gobble-Gobble 2: Stuffed Again.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close