adBlockCheck

Recent News

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
End Of Section
  • More News

New Report Finds U.S. Employees Most Engaged At Workplace While Working As Frontman Of Styx

CHICAGO—Saying it was by far the strongest predictor of high workplace morale, a new report released Thursday by researchers at the University of Chicago found that employees in the United States are most engaged at their jobs while working as the frontman of rock band Styx. “Whether they’re belting out power ballads like ‘Come Sail Away’ or straight-ahead guitar-driven hits like ‘Renegade,’ our findings consistently show that being the frontman of Styx is the most important factor in determining whether employees are fully invested in their jobs,” said lead author Ryan Sexton, whose research found that, across all demographic categories, workers were much more likely to put in extra hours and come in on weekends when they were traveling on a 26-stop cross-country United We Rock tour with REO Speedwagon. “Our data clearly indicates that employees are never more motivated than when donning a robot mask and performing ‘Mr. Roboto’ for a stadium of screaming fans as part of the Kilroy Was Here rock opera. They were also much more likely to take on additional synthesizer responsibilities of their own initiative.” Despite their robust levels of engagement, the report also found that workers employed as the frontman of Styx did not remain with the band throughout their career and were in fact laid off and replaced after a little more than a decade.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close