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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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New Report Reveals Kentucky Seniors Forced To Endure Brutal Hazing From Freshman Players

LEXINGTON, KY—In an appalling revelation that has sent shockwaves through the program, multiple reports confirmed Thursday that seniors on this year’s University of Kentucky basketball team were repeatedly subjected to cruel and degrading forms of hazing by the team’s freshman players. “We discovered a number of incidents in which Kentucky’s upperclassmen were forced to carry the squad’s gym bags to and from practice, sit in a locked closet for hours at a time, and consume excessive amounts of alcohol until the point of vomiting,” said NCAA investigator Derek Jones, adding that the humiliating and barbaric rituals were strictly enforced by the team’s first-year players. “This was apparently seen as a way to make the seniors understand their place on the team, but regardless of the reasoning, it is absolutely unacceptable. Several players said they were often frightened for their safety, but felt they had to continue or they would be punished even further by their freshman teammates. Unfortunately, this is a growing trend among top college basketball programs, and it has to be stopped.” Following the report, the University of Kentucky athletic department announced the immediate suspension of all accused players amid an internal investigation, leaving Wildcats coach John Calipari no choice but to field a starting lineup with no freshmen in the NCAA Tournament.

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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

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