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New Report Suggests It Kind Of Weird Baseball Uniforms Have Belts

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Kevin Durant Wins Gold In Men’s Individual Basketball

RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

Michael Phelps Spots Estranged Father Poseidon In Stands

RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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New Report Suggests It Kind Of Weird Baseball Uniforms Have Belts

CINCINNATI—Raising questions about the logic of the long-held convention, a new report released Tuesday by Xavier University’s Department of Sports Studies revealed that it’s sort of weird baseball uniforms have belts. “If you step back and view the situation objectively, the fact that professional baseball players are running around the field in pants held up by a leather belt is a little odd,” said Dr. Nathan Gibbons, lead author of the 350-page report, confirming that it’s difficult to explain why baseball pants would even have belt loops to begin with. “These are elite-level athletes, remember, and they’re playing a sport—running, jumping, and throwing—all with belts around their waists. And presumably a player has at some point needed to adjust his belt buckle in the middle of a baseball game. That’s weird. They should just wear pants with an elastic waistband or something.” According to Gibbons, the extensive report goes on to conclude it’s just flat-out bizarre that baseball jerseys are essentially button-down short-sleeve shirts.

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