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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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New Report Suggests It Kind Of Weird Baseball Uniforms Have Belts

CINCINNATI—Raising questions about the logic of the long-held convention, a new report released Tuesday by Xavier University’s Department of Sports Studies revealed that it’s sort of weird baseball uniforms have belts. “If you step back and view the situation objectively, the fact that professional baseball players are running around the field in pants held up by a leather belt is a little odd,” said Dr. Nathan Gibbons, lead author of the 350-page report, confirming that it’s difficult to explain why baseball pants would even have belt loops to begin with. “These are elite-level athletes, remember, and they’re playing a sport—running, jumping, and throwing—all with belts around their waists. And presumably a player has at some point needed to adjust his belt buckle in the middle of a baseball game. That’s weird. They should just wear pants with an elastic waistband or something.” According to Gibbons, the extensive report goes on to conclude it’s just flat-out bizarre that baseball jerseys are essentially button-down short-sleeve shirts.

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Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

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