adBlockCheck

Sports

MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
End Of Section
  • More News

New Rocky Film Just Three Montages

HOLLYWOOD—Film critic Jeff Reese, who viewed an advanced screening of Rocky Balboa at Arclight Cinemas last Friday, has reported that the newest installment in the Rocky franchise is mainly composed of three extended montages. "The first [montage] occurs nine minutes into the film, right after Rocky is offered a chance to fight the champion, as Rocky recalls everything in his life that brought him to this point. There are flashbacks of, among other things, him arguing with Mick in his dingy apartment, ice-skating with Adrian, holding Apollo Creed while he dies in his arms, and defeating the Russian, all while several of the series' trademark musical numbers including 'The Measure of a Man' and 'There's no Easy Way Out' play in the background," said Reese, noting that the montage sequences were extremely well-edited and comprehensive. "Once we rejoin Stallone's character in the present, the film launches into a 25-minute training montage, set to an extended version of 'Eye of the Tiger' that eventually segues into 'Gonna Fly Now' as Rocky once again sprints up the stairs of the Philadelphia Museum of Art. Once we finally arrive at the momentous final bout, Bill Conti's 'Going the Distance' is played as the number of each brutal round fades in and out, suggesting that the match is more of a long battle of attrition. That sort of thing." Reese added that the movie was "pretty much what [he] expected."

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close