adBlockCheck

Local

Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
End Of Section
  • More News

New Roommates Attempt To Find Manly Way Of Saying Good Night

MINNEAPOLIS—One month after moving into their shared apartment, roommates Nick Horowitz, 23, and Dan Crenshaw, 24, are still trying to find an appropriately masculine way to bid each other good night, Crenshaw told reporters Tuesday. "We started out by bumping fists and saying 'night bro,' and right now we're getting by with really sarcastically saying 'nighty-night, sweetie,'" said Crenshaw, who recounted several other short-lived nightly salutations, including a particularly ill-conceived attempt that ended in an awkward half hug. "I think I'm going to try out something tonight like 'good night, fuckface,' and we'll go from there." Crenshaw said that the good-morning greeting of grunting, scratching, and repeatedly calling each other "queer" seems to be fulfilling the pair's needs at present.

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close