New SAT Section Tests Ability To Pay Tuition

In This Section

Vol 43 Issue 14

End Of Section
  • More News
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Good Times

Man Considers Nodding Approvingly After Friend’s Drink Purchase

MEQUON, WI—Seeking to convey his endorsement of his acquaintance's selection at local bar Coney's Draft House this evening, area man Thomas Dodge told reporters that he was considering nodding approvingly at his friend’s alcoholic beverage pur...

Energy

New SAT Section Tests Ability To Pay Tuition

PRINCETON, NJ—The Educational Testing Service, developer of the Scholastic Aptitude Test, is creating a new section on the standardized college-entry test that for the first time addresses a crucial facet of students' capabilities: their family's potential to make full tuition payments.

"We carefully screen responses to questions such as 'What is the number represented by x if x=price of your wristwatch subtracted from $10,000,'" test writer Anthony Clausewitz said. "And in our new, expanded essay section, we ask test-takers to solve disputes among servants, describe what it was like to attend their first polo match, and identify the important settlor and beneficiary characters in a fictional trust fund."

Beginning in 2008, valet parking attendants at all SAT-testing sites will offer automatic Ivy League admission to students who arrive in luxury automobiles.

Next Story

Onion Video

Watch More