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Your Horoscopes — Week Of January 24, 2017

Aquarius No offense, but when got into this business, dealing with empty and meaningless futures like yours sure as hell wasn’t what it had in mind. Pisces Though you’ve been told that dressing up once in a while wouldn’t kill you, the coroner’s report this week will contain evidence to the contrary.

How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:
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New Sitcom Pulls Back The Envelope

LOS ANGELES—Fox network executives excited about the ground-mending situation comedy Family House, which will debut this fall, told reporters Monday that the program has pulled back the envelope on modern television, and is sure to give viewers a "30-minute Ferris-wheel ride."

"Unbuckle your seat belts, America, we're already here," said cocreator and executive producer Kimberly Hodge, who touted the show's traditional three-camera setup and nuclear-family cast as "as nothing you've never seen before." "Our team of veteran writers is committed to bringing you only the kinds of basic conflicts, wildly predictable twists, and fast, easy resolutions you've come to expect from network television."

Hodge added that executives are equally pleased with their new action drama, Crime Unit, whose formulaic structure and conservative cinematography has kept test audiences "on the backs of their seats."

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