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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.
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New Sitcom To Feature Blocking Tight End Living With Pass-Catching Tight End

LOS ANGELES—CBS executives announced Friday they have ordered a full season of a new show called Loose Ends, a situation comedy about a buttoned-down NFL tight end known for his blocking ability who lives in a condo with his brash young teammate, a tight end used primarily as a receiver. "Trev is a playboy who wants to score every touchdown and party all night, and Russell's the one left trying to protect the quarterback and clean up the mess Trev's made of the living room," said executive producer Peter Dominguez, who adapted the series from a Cowboys-Patriots game that aired in October. "They may come from different sides of the line and find themselves in some zany situations as they try to get along, but at the end of the day, they discover they're both still tight ends." CBS also said it picked up the midseason series Shield Goal, a drama about a Jets placekicker who moonlights as the top forensics expert in the NYPD's foot-crimes division.

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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

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