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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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New Sitcom To Feature Blocking Tight End Living With Pass-Catching Tight End

LOS ANGELES—CBS executives announced Friday they have ordered a full season of a new show called Loose Ends, a situation comedy about a buttoned-down NFL tight end known for his blocking ability who lives in a condo with his brash young teammate, a tight end used primarily as a receiver. "Trev is a playboy who wants to score every touchdown and party all night, and Russell's the one left trying to protect the quarterback and clean up the mess Trev's made of the living room," said executive producer Peter Dominguez, who adapted the series from a Cowboys-Patriots game that aired in October. "They may come from different sides of the line and find themselves in some zany situations as they try to get along, but at the end of the day, they discover they're both still tight ends." CBS also said it picked up the midseason series Shield Goal, a drama about a Jets placekicker who moonlights as the top forensics expert in the NYPD's foot-crimes division.

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