New Social Media Startup Launches, Shuts Down Within 45 Minutes

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Vol 49 Issue 10

Iowa Fashion Week Begins

DES MOINES, IA—The greater Des Moines area was abuzz with excitement Monday as Iowa’s annual Fashion Week officially kicked off, opening a busy seven days of runway shows and clothing exhibitions showcasing Iowa’s hottest new styles from...

Albany Bucket Museum

Learn about the history of buckets with a self-guided tour through the museum's four fascinating exhibits, then sit down and watch the hourly documentary about buckets and their role in winning America's independence.

God Worried He Fucked Up His Children

THE HEAVENS—Saying that maybe He wasn’t around enough and could have expressed His divine love a little better throughout the history of mankind, Our Lord God and Almighty Father expressed concern Thursday that He might have fucked up His chil...

Justin Bieber Hospitalized After Fainting At Concert

Teen pop sensation Justin Bieber was seen struggling during a performance of “Beauty and a Beat” at a show in London last night before walking off stage and fainting out of view of the audience, and was later taken to a hospital.
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  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

New Social Media Startup Launches, Shuts Down Within 45 Minutes

PALO ALTO, CA—FrendTrend, a new social media startup that branded itself as “a fun, intuitive way to connect and share with friends online,” celebrated its long-awaited launch at 9 a.m. this morning, shuttering its doors later this morning at 9:45 a.m.

As the brainchild of tech developer Greg Nesheim, 36, FrendTrend was designed to be a virtual community for friends and acquaintances to interact using live chat and photo-sharing features, a service the site provided for exactly 45 minutes before the company liquidated all of its assets.

“The site just didn’t catch on, what can I say?” Nesheim told reporters of the website that, less than an hour earlier, he launched excitedly with the tagline “Get ready for the next wave in social media.” “I posted some videos and messages on my little FrendTrend ‘pod,’ as we called them, but there were only like five or six other users and they all worked for the company, so it was like, ‘This sucks.’”

“It’s just too bad we have to pack up all this office furniture after unloading it only a couple of hours ago,” Nesheim continued.

During a candid postmortem 10 minutes after the site had been removed and an hour after it had launched, Nesheim cited myriad difficulties in the site’s first 15 or 20 minutes, including logistical hurdles, a stubborn market share, and administrative hassles.

“Within 52 seconds of the site’s launch, you could tell things weren’t looking good, and after 30 minutes I figured, ‘All right, let’s just give it 15 more minutes and if it hasn’t taken off by then, fuck it,’” said Nesheim, who frantically and unsuccessfully attempted to sell the company to an outside investor within minutes of FrendTrend going live. “It had so much promise when I walked into our office for the first time this morning. People just didn’t give it a chance.”

“Although I guess the writing had been on the wall for minutes and minutes,” Nesheim added.

Though disappointed by this latest setback, Nesheim told reporters he is excited to pitch investors on his next tech venture, a consumer-to-consumer online auction and shopping website called iBuy.

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