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New Species Of Van Gundy Sheds Light On Development Of Near-Human Ancestors

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RIO DE JANEIRO—Beating out Serbian Nikola Jokic by .87 points in order to claim the all-around title, U.S. forward Kevin Durant won Olympic gold Friday in men’s individual basketball, becoming the first man to win consecutive golds in the competition since Gary Payton at the 1996 and 2000 Games.

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RIO DE JANEIRO—Immediately recognizing the booming, thunderous voice he hadn’t heard since he was 5 years old as he warmed up ahead of his first heat in the 200-meter individual medley, U.S. Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps reportedly spotted his long-estranged father, Poseidon, God of the Sea, cheering for him Thursday in the stands of the Olympic Aquatics Stadium.
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New Species Of Van Gundy Sheds Light On Development Of Near-Human Ancestors

Archaeologists are studying the fossilized remains of a previously undiscovered species of Van Gundy found in Montana this week. Previously believed to be a subspecies of the Homo genus, scientists now believe Van Gundys are an altogether separate species, which has been living alongside humans and surviving off their refuse since the dawn of civilization.

The evolution of the Van Gundy species has been a slow, often awkward process, with their development lagging well behind humans.

Despite their large skulls, poor physicality and brooding nature, Van Gundy civilization also developed much slower than humans, owing to their susceptibility to mites and indifference towards hygiene. Known as "the cockroach of primates," Van Gundys primarily survived by living in shelters abandoned by early human tribes, eating their leftovers and motivating humans to hunt and forage for them with their barking yelps and their nervous, overstressed temperaments.

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