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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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New 'Steak & Onion' Potato Chips Taste Disturbingly Like Steak And Onions

MONTPELIER, VT—A bag of Murley's Steak & Onion Potato Chips deeply disturbed Montpelier-area snacker Vince Houghton Monday, delivering an artificially created flavor so similar to actual steak and onions as to be unsettling. "I figured, you know, it would have a beefy sort of taste, maybe from bullion powder or something," Houghton told reporters after taking his first-ever bite of the meat-flavored chips. "But it tasted exactly like barbecued top round smothered in chopped Vidalia onions." Added Houghton, who continued to eat the chips despite their unsettlingly realistic taste: "What kind of chemicals are in these things to make them taste so steaky, anyway? There are no beef products whatsoever in the list of ingredients."

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