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The Pros And Cons Of Gene Editing

Recent advancements in gene editing have introduced a number of exciting possibilities for human advancement and raised difficult ethical questions. The Onion breaks down the pros and cons of gene editing.

Tips For Back-To-School Shopping

As kids prepare to go back to school, parents are tasked with providing all the supplies and clothes they’ll need for the year. Here are The Onion’s tips for tackling back-to-school shopping.

Report: Sky Normal Today

WASHINGTON—Informing citizens there really wasn’t anything special going on up there, the nation’s scientists confirmed the sky is normal today.
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New Study Finds Americans Scoot Over At Least 10 Miles Per Year

WASHINGTON—A new study published Wednesday by the Department of Transportation reveals that the average U.S. resident travels some 10 miles annually solely through the act of scooting over to make room for another person. “Between park benches, bleachers, backseats, and various other types of shared, communal seating, the typical American scoots nearly a mile a month,” said Department Secretary Anthony Foxx, who added that, taken all together, a lifetime’s worth of scooting over, sliding over, scooching, and “making a bit more room” would equal the distance from the nation’s capital to Orlando, FL. “The statistics are even higher in the South, where picnic season is longer. And if you count instances of scooting over, seeing the other person has already found a place, and then scooting back, many Americans travel farther by scooting than they do by motor vehicle.” The study’s methodology has come under fire from critics who argue it should have also counted situations in which sitters must move their chair over to make room for someone who already has their own chair.

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