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Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.

Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.
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New Study Finds Best Sunscreen Is Layer Of Human Blood

WASHINGTON—According to a study released Monday by the Environmental Working Group, the best defense against the harmful effects of the sun's rays is a thick coating of human blood. "We found that a generous application of human blood blocks 98 percent more UVA and UVB rays than standard SPF 30 sunscreen lotions," said researcher Dr. Carl Lapkins, adding that while pig and chicken blood can mildly decrease the risk of skin cancer, human blood ultimately offers the most effective form of protection. "An additional layer of fresh blood should be applied for each hour spent outdoors, especially if you're swimming. Infants, who are more vulnerable to sun exposure, should be completely submerged in a bucket of blood before going outside, and re-dunked frequently." Lapkins added that to avoid missing a spot, one should ask for a friend's help when spreading blood on hard-to-reach areas.

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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

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