New Study Finds Best Sunscreen Is Layer Of Human Blood

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Vol 47 Issue 24

Dressing Up For Going Out

It's always hard to decide what to wear when you're going out for the evening. Here are some ways to look your best for a night on the town:  

Nation's Dads Treated To Mark Knopfler Meet-And-Greet

CHICAGO—In what many were calling "the best Father's Day present ever," the nation's dads were treated to a Mark Knopfler meet-and-greet Thursday, spending several minutes chatting and posing for photos with the former Dire Straits frontma...

Partygoer Gets Thoughtful

LAFAYETTE, LA—At approximately 11:20 P.M. Friday night, the festive attitude of local partygoer Nathan Daniels, 34, suddenly gave way to a more thoughtful and introspective mood, witnesses reported.

'America's Most Wanted' Canceled

After 23 years on the air, America's Most Wanted—the Fox show that dramatizes real crimes in order to assist in the capture of suspects—will no longer air as a weekly program.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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Technology

Technology Unfortunately Allows Distant Friends To Reconnect

WAYNE, PA—Providing them the tools necessary to bridge a gap that both individuals say they were more than willing to maintain indefinitely, sources confirmed Monday that the advent of modern technology has unfortunately allowed distant friends Mere...

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New Study Finds Best Sunscreen Is Layer Of Human Blood

WASHINGTON—According to a study released Monday by the Environmental Working Group, the best defense against the harmful effects of the sun's rays is a thick coating of human blood. "We found that a generous application of human blood blocks 98 percent more UVA and UVB rays than standard SPF 30 sunscreen lotions," said researcher Dr. Carl Lapkins, adding that while pig and chicken blood can mildly decrease the risk of skin cancer, human blood ultimately offers the most effective form of protection. "An additional layer of fresh blood should be applied for each hour spent outdoors, especially if you're swimming. Infants, who are more vulnerable to sun exposure, should be completely submerged in a bucket of blood before going outside, and re-dunked frequently." Lapkins added that to avoid missing a spot, one should ask for a friend's help when spreading blood on hard-to-reach areas.

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