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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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New Study Finds Employee Morale Drastically Improves After Watching Coworker Throw Fit

WEST LAFAYETTE, IN—According to a study published Wednesday in the Journal Of Management, the morale of an entire workplace typically improves dramatically following any instance in which employees witness one of their coworkers absolutely losing it and throwing a fit right there in the office. “It turns out that whenever someone at a place of business gets fed up to the point of raising their voice or begins vigorously and loudly typing on their keyboard as they have a tantrum at their desk, everyone else who works there starts to feel a little bit better,” said industrial psychologist Glenn Hardt, explaining that the study measured self-reported levels of happiness among employees immediately before and after a coworker sighed heavily, slammed his or her laptop closed, and stormed out of a meeting. “There may be a few stunned looks at first, but this behavior is soon followed by a flurry of eye contact, half-suppressed smiles, and then sustained, measurable improvements in mood among those still present.” The study went on to state that workplace morale plummets to its lowest point when a fellow employee is promoted.

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