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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.
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New Study Finds Majority Of Bullshit Calls Go To Other Team

PITTSBURGH—According to a study published Friday in the Journal Of Quantitative Analysis In Sports, an overwhelming majority of bullshit rulings made by NFL officials go in favor of the opposing team. “The data in our findings conclusively proved that most horseshit calls not only go to the other team, but also occur very late in games,” said lead researcher Dr. Alexander Ferguson, a statistical analyst at Carnegie Mellon University. “In addition, we found that of the officials who make dumbass calls, 58 percent don’t know what the hell they’re doing out there, 23 percent must be watching a completely different goddamn game, and a further 19 percent are just totally fucking blind.” The study, which confirmed that the majority of bullshit calls are game-changing decisions, also found that rulings that help your team are simply lucky breaks that would not have affected the ultimate outcome of the game anyway.

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