adBlockCheck

Recent News

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
End Of Section
  • More News

New Study Finds Most Of Earth’s Landmass Will Be Phoenix Suburb By 2050

SYRACUSE, NY—Forecasting the continued rapid growth of the metropolitan area in the coming decades, a study published Thursday by researchers at Syracuse University has found that the majority of Earth’s landmass will be Phoenix suburbs by 2050. “Projecting present growth trends forward, we were able to determine that 35 years from now, the suburban area surrounding Phoenix, AZ will have expanded to occupy nearly 70 percent of all land on Earth, or roughly 137 million square miles across six continents,” said study co-author Grace Parsons, explaining that the entire land area of North America would be subsumed by the suburban sprawl spreading out from Scottsdale by 2030, while new subdivisions on the outskirts of Glendale and Litchfield Park would continue expanding westward, crossing the Pacific Ocean and encompassing most of Asia over the following decade. “By the time the suburbs extend into the Southern Hemisphere in about 30 years, over two-thirds of Earth’s land will be counted among the working-class towns, affluent neighborhoods, commercial districts, and bedroom communities encircling Phoenix.” The researchers warned, however, that a lack of adequate transportation infrastructure in the Phoenix metro area could create problems for workers driving in from the suburbs, estimating that traffic congestion during rush hour could add as much as 1,200 to 1,400 hours to their daily commutes.

More from this section

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close