adBlockCheck

Recent News

How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
End Of Section
  • More News

New Study Finds People Who Sit For At Least 5 Hours Each Day Are Comfier

BATON ROUGE, LA—A study released Monday by physicians at the Pennington Biomedical Research Center has concluded that people who spend five or more hours per day sitting are significantly more likely to be comfy than those who do not. “Our clinical trials indicate that individuals whose lifestyles involve sitting for less than two hours a day experience far less comfiness than those who sit for longer periods,” said the study’s head researcher Dr. Stan McGuinness, adding that seated individuals are up to 20 times as likely to be comfy as their standing counterparts. “They enjoy a greater number of comfy sensations in their lower torso and leg regions, whereas people who stand for extended periods often develop symptoms such as achy muscles and uncomfy feet. Interestingly, the comfiest people of all are those who sit for most of the day and then spend eight hours or more lying down.” McGuinness went on to state that in addition to being comfy, those lying down tend to be far cozier and, in many cases, snugglier.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close