New Subway Promotion To Honor Subtember 11

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Strongside/Weakside: Jurgen Klinsmann

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Deadline For Prior User To Remove Clothes From Dryer Extended 5 Minutes

JOHNSON CITY, TN—Upon finding the machine in her apartment building’s laundry room completely untouched since she last stopped by, exasperated local woman Sandra Hermus reportedly mounted all her magnanimity Monday and extended the deadline for the previous user to remove their clothing from the dryer by five minutes.

New Subway Promotion To Honor Subtember 11

MILFORD, CT—Citing a wide range of deals customers will “never forget,” fast food chain Subway announced an exciting new promotion this week to honor and commemorate Subtember 11. “With a number of terrific discounts on special sandwiches as well as our classic footlongs, you’ll always remember where you were on Subtember 11,” Subway president Fred DeLuca told reporters, referring to Subway’s special promotion in which, for a limited time only, visitors of the restaurant’s tens of thousands of franchise locations will be able to “fly on in” and pick up two footlong subs of their choice for only $9.11. “From the Structural Steel Melt on Tower 7–Grain bread to the Twin Chowers cold cut combo with Ground Zero–Carb vinaigrette on a Let’s Whole Wheat Roll, we’ve got something for everybody this Subtember 11.” DeLuca added that the special promotion will be “first responders, first served.”