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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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New Television Show To Examine Rarely Discussed Years Between 1980 And 1989

BURBANK, CA—According to sources, ABC’s new family comedy The Goldbergs is ambitiously aiming to somehow bring the oft-forgotten, seldom referenced decade of the 1980s, in which the series is set, back into the zeitgeist. “As a culture, America has rarely looked back on the years between 1980 and 1989 in a nostalgic or playful way—in fact, I’m not sure such an act of tongue-in-cheek retrospection has ever been attempted—but The Goldbergs is apparently attempting to do just that,” said network spokesperson Jonah Levitt about the show that follows the exploits of the Goldberg family—including an overprotective mother, her husband, and their three children—but audaciously takes place during the little spoken-of and rarely joked-about decade that preceded the 1990s. “Viewers will come to love the Goldberg family as they learn life lessons, all the while bringing light to this previously unexplored era of outdated fashions and synthesizer-based pop music.” At press time, viewers were reportedly amazed to hear that time had not lapsed directly from December 31, 1979 to January 1, 1990.

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