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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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New Television Show To Examine Rarely Discussed Years Between 1980 And 1989

BURBANK, CA—According to sources, ABC’s new family comedy The Goldbergs is ambitiously aiming to somehow bring the oft-forgotten, seldom referenced decade of the 1980s, in which the series is set, back into the zeitgeist. “As a culture, America has rarely looked back on the years between 1980 and 1989 in a nostalgic or playful way—in fact, I’m not sure such an act of tongue-in-cheek retrospection has ever been attempted—but The Goldbergs is apparently attempting to do just that,” said network spokesperson Jonah Levitt about the show that follows the exploits of the Goldberg family—including an overprotective mother, her husband, and their three children—but audaciously takes place during the little spoken-of and rarely joked-about decade that preceded the 1990s. “Viewers will come to love the Goldberg family as they learn life lessons, all the while bringing light to this previously unexplored era of outdated fashions and synthesizer-based pop music.” At press time, viewers were reportedly amazed to hear that time had not lapsed directly from December 31, 1979 to January 1, 1990.

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