adBlockCheck

New Therapist Obsessed With Old Therapist

Top Headlines

Local

Man Has Loyalty To Pretzel Brand

BROWNSVILLE, TX—Describing them as “the best pretzels out there” and “the only ones [he] buy[s],” local resident Ned Carlisle expressed his firm loyalty to Snyder’s of Hanover–brand pretzels Tuesday.

Seagull This Far Inland Must Be Total Fuckup

KNOXVILLE, TN—Questioning how the bird could have possibly ended up more than 300 miles from the nearest ocean, sources confirmed Friday that a seagull that was spotted this far inland must be a total fuckup.

Only News Source Man Trusts Has Logo Of Eyeball In Crosshairs

FULLERTON, CA—Noting that he relies upon the website every day to keep himself apprised of important national and global events, sources confirmed Thursday that the only news outlet local man Andrew Howland trusts uses an image of an eyeball in crosshairs as its logo.

Man Approaches Unfamiliar Shower Knobs Like He Breaking Wild Stallion

TERRE HAUTE, IN—Approaching the strange bathing controls with caution before gingerly laying both hands upon them, 37-year-old Matthew Dolan took on a pair of unfamiliar shower knobs while visiting an old college friend’s home Thursday like he was breaking an untamed stallion of the wild West, sources reported.

Wedding Photographer Keeps Calling Bride’s Parents ‘Mom’ And ‘Dad’

CHARLOTTE, NC—Despite having just met the middle-aged couple earlier that afternoon, local wedding photographer Bob Dennison kept referring to the bride’s parents as “Mom” and “Dad” throughout the Lambert-Carrillo wedding Saturday, sources reported. “All right, I need Mom and Dad standing right here in front of the rosebush.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next

New Therapist Obsessed With Old Therapist

STONE HARBOR, NJ—Dr. Peter Crosley, the psychotherapist seen by real-estate broker Rachel Falbaum since March, has become increasingly focused on the thoughts and techniques of Dr. Seth Hirschfeld, Falbaum's therapist from the summer of 2001 until this spring. "Going back to your sister, whom you seem to believe is more successful: How did your therapist feel about her?" said Crosley to Falbaum during a session Monday. "Would you describe your feelings towards his discussions of her as resentment? Because it's quite revealing if this guy never asked about your sister. I certainly wonder how that might make me feel." For her part, Falbaum said that her sessions with Crosley have helped her to view her former therapist in a different light, one which will "definitely" enable her to move on to new therapy.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close