adBlockCheck

Gaming

Video Game Henchmen Plan Meetup Around Explosive Barrels

LEVEL 5—A group of video game henchmen patrolling the warehouse hideout of their criminal mastermind boss informed reporters Wednesday of their upcoming plan to take a brief break from making their rounds to meet up around a stack of five highly explosive barrels.

Parents Finally Cave And Buy 33-Year-Old Son PlayStation 1

KENOSHA, WI—Having refused to purchase the video game console since its introduction in 1994, local parents John and Melissa Gionda confirmed Thursday that they had finally caved in and bought a Sony PlayStation 1 for their 33-year-old son, Daniel.
End Of Section
  • More News

Gaming

New Video Game Technology Finally Allows Rendering Of Smaller Breasts

LAS VEGAS—The buzz at this month's Consumer Electronics Show was all about a new breakthrough in the field of high-resolution 3-D graphics that has made it possible to render average-sized breasts on female video game characters. "For too long, game designers have been creatively stymied by a mammary-imaging technology only capable of rendering one type of breast—a heaving pair of massive, gravity-defying, torpedo-shaped bosoms," said Warren Hood, developer of the new Vex9 graphics card, which has finally enabled video game wire-frame artists to digitally sculpt breasts as small as B-cups. "At long last, we can give die-hard gamers the level of realism they've been looking for." Hood added that researchers are currently exploring technologies that would allow the shamans and clerics in World Of Warcraft to practice modern medicine instead of depending on unrealistic magical healing spells.

Gaming Video

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close