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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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New Visa Talking Credit Card Urges Buyers To Go For It

SAN FRANCISCO—Financial services giant Visa held a press event Tuesday to introduce "Visa Voice," a new line of talking credit cards that urges shoppers to just go ahead and buy it if that's what they really want. "Whenever you're near an item you're hesitant to purchase, Visa Voice offers words of encouragement, such as 'Come on, just go for it!' and 'Trust me—you're not gonna regret this,'" Visa president John Partridge said of the groundbreaking new payment product, which allows users to select between a calm, supportive female voice and a morally authoritative male voice. "If you're still not convinced after 30 seconds, the card will begin whispering, 'You know you want it,' and repeat the phrase a bit louder each time until cardholders have received the verbal reassurance needed to just say, 'Fuck it—I'm getting this.'" Partridge added that if customers exceed their credit limit, the card falls silent and quickly changes the subject.

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