New X-Men Film Features Bryan Singer Traveling Back In Time To Molest Younger Self

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Vol 50 Issue 20

Bag Of Flour Has Slave Auction On Front

Scientists politely remind the world that clean energy technology is ready to go whenever, a new study finds most high school graduates are woefully unprepared for high school, and a bag of flour has a slave auction on its front.

Petco To Stop Selling Dog, Cat Treats Made In China

The pet supply retail chain Petco has announced that after the deaths of 1,000 dogs were linked to consuming chicken, duck and jerky treats imported from China, it will cease selling Chinese-made pet treats in its 1,300 stores across the nation.

Levi Strauss CEO: Stop Washing Your Jeans

Speaking at a sustainability conference Tuesday, Levi Strauss CEO Chip Bergh told consumers that washing jeans is an unnecessary process that wastes water, and instead recommended placing jeans in the freezer to kill germs.
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New X-Men Film Features Bryan Singer Traveling Back In Time To Molest Younger Self

LOS ANGELES—Early reviews confirmed Thursday that X-Men: Days Of Future Past, the latest installment in the popular superhero film series, prominently features a storyline in which director Bryan Singer journeys through a portal in the space-time continuum to an earlier era, where he coerces his 16-year-old self into sexual intercourse. “Hey, I work in movies—you have any interest in Hollywood?” the director reportedly says in the film, caressing his teenage self’s shoulder in a scene preceded by a montage that includes Singer frantically searching for a coke dealer on the Lower East Side and attempting to contact older studio executives for a “wild party” later that night. “There’s going to be a little get-together in my hotel room at the Ritz later on. Tons of kids like you will be there, and a few showbiz bigwigs. Let me tell you, with a face like that, I can make big things happen for you. I really mean it.” Several reports indicated that the latter portion of the movie’s plotline focuses on Singer locked in a pulse-pounding race against time to prevent his adolescent self from filing sexual assault charges and destroying his career.

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