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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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'New York Times' Reader Stoked After Noticing Article Penned By Favorite Reporting Duo

'Cha-Ching! It's Michael D. Shear And Jeremy W. Peters Time!'

COLUMBIA, SC—Saying that he is always in the mood for a little Michael D. Shear/Jeremy W. Peters action, New York Times reader Mitchell Gleason was reportedly pumped Wednesday after noticing that an article about Barack Obama’s judicial picks for a Washington, D.C. federal court was authored by his favorite reporting duo. “Here we go, baby! Shear and Peters in effect!” Gleason told reporters, adding that he usually counts on Michael D. Shear for his judicial reportage but that instances when correspondent Jeremy Peters teams up with him are “rare treats indeed.” “The thing is, these guys balance each other out perfectly. Peters brings Shear out of his comfort zone, and Shear brings Peters down to earth. You might have a favorite—my wife’s more of a Shear person, and I’m definitely a Peters guy—but when you get these two together, boom. It’s like lightning in a bottle.” At press time, Gleason was speculating how “fucking amazing” it would be if both teamed up to write a book about the federal justice system.

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