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Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Benny The Bull Busted For Possession Of Unlicensed T-Shirt Gun

CHICAGO—Noting that the suspect had been taken into custody after officers managed to tackle and wrestle the individual to the ground of the United Center concourse, police confirmed Monday that Chicago Bulls mascot Benny the Bull was arrested for possession of an unlicensed T-shirt gun.
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Newly Appointed Ambassador Ripken Accidentally Causes Nuclear War

TEHRAN—Mere days after being named a U.S. State Department Goodwill Ambassador and Special Sports Envoy by Condoleezza  Rice, baseball Hall of Famer and consecutive-games-played record holder Cal Ripken Jr. triggered a nuclear war between Iran and United Nations forces Tuesday night. "I was just explaining to that Mr. Ahmadinejad that there was nothing like a good old game of baseball to get to know someone better, and I told him that I'd ordered an American armored battalion into the capital city to teach them how to play," Ripken told reporters from a radiological observation bay in United Nations Field Hospital And Decontamination Unit 704, where he is expected to spend the rest of his life. "Well, seems Mahmoud didn't like that too much." MLB officials have not yet announced whether the 125,000 casualties suffered in the limited nuclear exchange will be added to Ripken's lifetime statistics.

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