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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Newly Discovered Journal Entries Reveal Sacagawea’s Repeated Attempts To Ditch Lewis And Clark

EUGENE, OR—Historians at the University of Oregon announced Wednesday that a recently discovered journal appearing to have belonged to Shoshone guide Sacagawea details dozens of times in which the Native American woman tried to ditch Meriwether Lewis and William Clark on their 1804 cross-country expedition to the western part of the United States. “I hid behind some rocks at the headwaters of the Columbia River, but they found me again—I quickly made up something about a special kind of fish I was kneeling to get a better look at,” the journal read in part, one of many moments in which an exasperated Sacagawea, claiming she “did not have the time to drag a couple of palefaces through the wilderness,” attempted to leave her incompetent companions behind. “When we get to the plains, I’ll dump them with the Pawnee. These two are probably going to die pretty soon, anyway—the red-haired one, Clark, keeps eating berries I tell him not to eat.” According to the journal, Sacagawea was at one point able to lose Lewis and Clark for several hours in a dense pine forest in Montana, but took pity on the pair and returned to free them when their fringed buckskin breeches became badly tangled in some bramble bushes.

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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

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