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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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Newly Discovered Recordings Reveal Beatles Actually Terrible Group

LONDON—Just days after the discovery of several previously unreleased Beatles recordings in the attic of Abbey Road Studios, fans and critics across the globe have renounced their enthusiasm for the rock and roll band that was once revered by millions. "This unfortunate find has forced music historians to completely reassess the talents of John, Paul, George, and Ringo," said Beatles scholar Mark Lewisohn, who has dated the tapes to early 1968. "These songs are awful. That one sax solo alone has utterly negated the genius of Magical Mystery Tour and Rubber Soul combined. Certainly this missing link goes a long way toward explaining their solo careers." In reaction to the discovery, Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys has shown dramatic signs of improved mental health.

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