adBlockCheck

Recent News

What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
End Of Section
  • More News

Newly Engaged Couple Receives Incredible Outpouring Of Insincerity From Family, Friends

HARRISBURG, PA—Showered with a bounty of feigned support, forced cheer, and outright lies, local couple Mike Woodley and Christine Lyons reportedly received an incredible outpouring of insincerity from friends and family Friday following the announcement of their engagement. “Oh my god! I’m so happy for you two!!!!” wrote Lyons’ old high school friend Jennifer Mescudi, whose hollow Facebook post was but one of dozens of congratulations from people who privately doubted the solidity of the relationship, only liked either the bride or the groom, or privately informed other friends that they gave the marriage 12 months tops. “You’re so lucky to have found each other! I cannot wait to be there for the big day!!!” According to sources, Woodley’s college roommate said that being named the best man in a wedding he could not give less of a fuck about was “such an honor.”

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close