Newly Naturalized Citizens Taken Around U.S. For Orientation

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Vol 49 Issue 45

Onion Sports’ NFL Week 10 Picks

OSN shares its expert analysis on the teams that will come away with victory in this weekend’s NFL week 10 games: Redskins at Vikings OSN’s Lock Of The Week: Redskins – If the Redskins were to lose this game 34-27, i...

FDA To Ban All Trans Fats

The FDA proposed new guidelines that would ban nearly all artificial trans fats, which are found in products such as frosting, margarine, microwave popcorn, and frozen pizza, a measure that they say could prevent 20,000 heart attacks a year.
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Newly Naturalized Citizens Taken Around U.S. For Orientation

WASHINGTON—Following the successful completion of their citizenship tests and their collective recitation of the Oath of Allegiance, the nation’s newly naturalized citizens were led on a quick orientation around the United States of America by an immigration services worker Wednesday to help them become more familiar with their new surroundings. “Now, over here on your right is Philadelphia, and if you follow me up over the Appalachians I’ll show you where we produce our heavy industry,” said orientation guide Paul Little, pausing a moment to point out the Rust Belt and Great Lakes before shepherding the group along to the Gateway Arch in St. Louis where they planned to grab a quick lunch before checking out the American West. “And coming right up in front of us are 500,000 square miles of prairie. A handy trick to remember is that if you ever find yourself surrounded by hundreds of miles of flat farmland, that means you’re in the center of the country, so you can just walk in any direction and you’ll eventually come across a city. Any questions?” After finishing the tour in Barrow, AK, the 1,600 foreign-born individuals were each given a certificate of naturalization and a small American flag and left to find their way home.

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