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Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Bo Obama Addresses Graduates Of Dayton Obedience School

DAYTON, OH—Calling on the 2017 class of canines to make the most of their training as they head out into the world, former first dog Bo Obama delivered a stirring commencement speech Friday to graduates of the Dayton Obedience School.

‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Most Notable Google Ventures

Ten years ago this week, Google Street View launched, offering panoramic views of locations all over the world. As the tech giant continues to debut new projects, The Onion highlights some of Google’s most ambitious ventures to date:

Rural Working-Class Archbishops Come Out In Droves To Welcome Trump To Vatican

VATICAN CITY—Arriving in their dusty pickup trucks from as far away as the dioceses of Oria and Locri-Gerace to express their support for a leader who they say embodies their interests and defends their way of life, droves of rural working-class archbishops reportedly poured into St. Peter’s Square today to greet U.S. president Donald Trump during his visit to the Vatican.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.
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Newly Naturalized Citizens Taken Around U.S. For Orientation

WASHINGTON—Following the successful completion of their citizenship tests and their collective recitation of the Oath of Allegiance, the nation’s newly naturalized citizens were led on a quick orientation around the United States of America by an immigration services worker Wednesday to help them become more familiar with their new surroundings. “Now, over here on your right is Philadelphia, and if you follow me up over the Appalachians I’ll show you where we produce our heavy industry,” said orientation guide Paul Little, pausing a moment to point out the Rust Belt and Great Lakes before shepherding the group along to the Gateway Arch in St. Louis where they planned to grab a quick lunch before checking out the American West. “And coming right up in front of us are 500,000 square miles of prairie. A handy trick to remember is that if you ever find yourself surrounded by hundreds of miles of flat farmland, that means you’re in the center of the country, so you can just walk in any direction and you’ll eventually come across a city. Any questions?” After finishing the tour in Barrow, AK, the 1,600 foreign-born individuals were each given a certificate of naturalization and a small American flag and left to find their way home.

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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

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