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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

Infographic: 20 Years Of Netflix

Netflix was founded as an online DVD rental service in 1997 and has since evolved into a subscription-based streaming platform with its own slate of original programming. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the company’s 20-year history.

Musical The Kind With Number About Putting On A Show

TALLAHASSEE, FL—Noting the increasingly animated choreography and behavior of the characters on stage, sources at the Tallahassee Community Theatre reported Friday that this is apparently the kind of musical with a big number about putting on a show.
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News Of Jenna Elfman Sitcom Sends Herd Of Buffalo Into Wild Stampede

WYOMING—Hundreds of buffalo thundered across the Wyoming plains Thursday after news of actress Jenna Elfman's latest sitcom, Accidentally On Purpose, spooked the unsuspecting herbivores. Upon learning of the new CBS comedy about a single woman who finds herself pregnant after a one-night stand with a much younger guy, the buffalo charged en masse, responding as if by instinct alone. "A stampede of this magnitude is extremely rare," said Howard Kremer, a specialist in herd-bound behavior who noted that this was one of the most destructive events of its kind he had ever seen. "Only a large enough threat, such as an approaching pack of wolves, or a quirky prime-time vehicle built around the former costar of Dharma And Greg, could trigger it." At press time, the frightened herd had run itself off a nearby cliff, so blind was its desire to escape the hijinks and hilarity airing Mondays this fall.

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Stunned Adam Schefter Receives Ominous Tip From Future Self

BRISTOL, CT—Slowly returning to his desk shaken and confused, sources reported Wednesday that ESPN NFL Insider Adam Schefter was stunned to receive an ominous tip from his future self while walking through one of his office building’s hallways.

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