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Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
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Next In The Dome: A New Kobe, Boxing History In The Making And One Expert's Analysis Gets Thrown To The Pile

The SportsDome is starting to rev up, readying itself to bring you an overflowing plate of the latest sports information. Mark Shepard and Alex Reiser are going to make it happen and fill your brain full of sports knowledge until it hemorrhages and bleeds out.

Tune in to Onion SportsDome TONIGHT 1030/930c on Comedy Central.

Tonight's stories include:

- Lakers star Kobe Bryant is getting ready to unveil his most recent personality and the Dome has the scoop.

- Boxing fans across the country are watching a potentially historic match in Las Vegas, hoping to see over-the-hill tomato can Kent Sudder die in the ring tonight.

- One of OSN's top analysts is ready to get shouted down by ten loud, angry men in The Pile-On.

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MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

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