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Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.
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Next In The Dome: Belichick's Jealousy, A Record-Breaking Performance And A Brave Phillies Fan Kept Alive By Her Hatred Of David Wright

If you're plugged into the Dome's 24-hour sports-drip, then you've already got the night's top stories and highlights flowing through your veins. But Alex Reiser and Mark Shepard are back to inject a syringe of pure Dome straight into your heart.

Tune in to Onion SportsDome TONIGHT 1030/930c on Comedy Central

Tonight's stories include:

- In a story you saw here first, Patriots head coach Bill Belichick acts out on his jealousy and insecurity with a vicious acid attack on his quarterback Tom Brady.

- In California, 13-year-old Corey Lawrence is well on his way to becoming the most prolific masturbator in history with an incredible performance that has grabbed the nation's attention.

- And the inspiring story of a brave little Phillies fan battling cancer with the best medicine of all -- virulent hatred of Mets third baseman David Wright.

In the meantime, browse the OSN website for all the latest sports saturation, and catch up on the baseball-crime procedural the Washington Post calls "the tense, hip crime procedural hardball fans have been waiting for" -- "Late Inning Drama," and check out episode summaries on the show's episode guide.

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MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

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