CLEVELAND—Explaining that they simply didn’t want to have to deal with the immense time commitment and emotional exhaustion, sisters Katie and Ellen Cattell each privately admitted to reporters this week that they were hoping the other sibling would someday be the one to take care of their aging parents.
New York Giants
- Strength: Excellent at believing Eli Manning is a Hall of Fame quarterback; cohesive offensive line understands that blocking begins when ball is snapped
- Weakness: No one but players able to afford entry into new $1.6 billion stadium
- Player To Watch: After missing most of the 2009 season with a knee injury, Kenny Phillips has looked pretty good in practice, although nobody remembers who he is or what position he plays
- Biggest Question: How will the Giants handle a very tough schedule that includes games against the Indianapolis Colts, their division rivals, the 1996 All-Madden team, and the '78 Steelers?
- Strength: Yes, there are positives, but reading them will only make you angry and listing them will only make us angry
- Weakness: Other than being the most infuriating, knuckle-whitening, I-want-to-throw-a-brick-through-my-television-set-when-I-watch-them team in the league, are a little weak at free safety
- Intangibles: Fuck the Dallas Cowboys and every fucking thing they stand for; special teams
- Biggest Question: Can they finally get over the hump and get back to the Super Bowl, and do they know how much that would depress the entire U.S. populace?
- Strength: Though they have lost Donovan McNabb's rocket arm, they have gained a highly accurate short-range subsonic cruise missile of an arm in Kevin Kolb
- Weakness: With the loss of Brian Westbrook, the Eagles have a major hole at starting knee injury and concussion
- Player To Watch: Michael Vick's athleticism as he walks up and down the sideline, sits down on a bench, and jumps up whenever he thinks his name is called but realizes the coaches are talking to another Michael, is something to marvel at
- Biggest Question: When will Philadelphia fans finally use their car-battery catapult?
- Strength: Acquisition of 33-year-old Donovan McNabb gives them a solid quarterback for maybe four weeks
- Weakness: Receivers, running backs, offensive line, and defense, but, um, this is the year the Redskins really turn it around
- Player To Watch: Albert Haynesworth, in that uncomfortable car-accident can't-stop-looking way
- Biggest Question: By how big a margin will the Redskins beat the Rams, and how many games will that buy Donovan McNabb before fans want him benched?