MINNEAPOLIS—Citing the poor quality of both the design and craftsmanship, members of the Hunter family told reporters Friday that the home’s versatile game table could be easily converted to play small, shitty versions of pool, air hockey, and foosball.
- Strength: It's been more than a year since Matt Ryan appeared in a Gillette commercial, so the Gillette commercial curse should have run its course; Black is still a very intimidating color
- Weakness: Have all the makings of a team that stays just competitive enough to keep their fans clinging to hope through a 7-9 season
- Player To Watch: Everyone respects a player toughing through injury, but it remains to be seen how Michael Turner expects to produce without his surgically removed left foot
- Biggest Question: Can the Braves' return to relevance in baseball keep people distracted as the Falcons start 0-3?
Tampa Bay Buccaneers
- Strength: They play the Rams, so at least one of those teams won't have to lose every game this season
- Weakness: Looking at this roster, it may not be the best year to play in a stadium where fans have access to several functioning cannons
- Intangibles: Signing a rookie wide receiver named Mike Williams has done nothing but backfire throughout the entire history of the league
- Player To Watch: Remember Warrick Dunn? He was a fun player to watch. Seemed like a genuinely nice guy, too
- Strength: John Fox is likely coaching for his job, so you can bet this team will bring their best each week
- Weakness: John Fox is likely coaching for his job, so Sundays will reek of the stench of desperation
- Biggest Question: Remind us again where this team is from exactly?
- Intangibles: Regardless of their performance on the field, every member of this team will one day die
New Orleans Saints
- Strength: Drew Brees didn't lose his right arm in a logging accident, so that bodes well
- Weakness: Really showing how shallow they are by hanging a gaudy Super Bowl Champions banner up right in the stadium
- Intangibles: City loves the team and all, but would gladly sacrifice every Saints win for functional houses and an oil-free Gulf
- Biggest Question: Can the Saints play well enough to reinvigorate the job outlook and restore industry to a broken and defeated metropolitan area?