NFC South

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Vol 46 Issue 35

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Onion Sports 2010 NFL Team-By-Team Guide

Now that the NFL season is upon us, staying informed is more important than ever. This in-depth Onion Sports guide places all the vital information about this years' teams at your fingertips. Don't watch a single game without this useful tool!

Saints vs. Vikings

As the season kicks off in New Orleans with a rematch of last year's NFC championship game, Onion Sports breaks down the NFL opener:

NFC West

NFC WEST Seattle Seahawks Strengths: Reports from coach's office indicate Pete Carroll is a complete football genius Weaknesses: Team is in their ninth year of humoring quarterback and Make-A-Wish cancer patient Matt Hasselbeck Intangibles: Billionaire o...

NFC East

NFC EAST New York Giants Strengths: Excellent at believing Eli Manning is a Hall of Fame quarterback; cohesive offensive line understands that blocking begins when ball is snapped Weakness: No one but players able to afford entry into new $1.6 billion st...

NFC North

NFC NORTH Vikings Strengths: Showing off his youthful exuberance, 40-year-old Brett Favre is still out there running the media around like a little kid; defensive tackles Kevin and Pat Williams look impressive in their ability to stop all forms of justic...

AFC West

Denver Broncos Strengths: Excellent cornerbacks and safeties will provide sure tackling of running backs who are eluding the defensive front seven and rushing untouched into the secondary Weakness: Keep trading for other team's shitty quarterbacks Intang...
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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NFC South

Atlanta Falcons

  • Strength: It's been more than a year since Matt Ryan appeared in a Gillette commercial, so the Gillette commercial curse should have run its course; Black is still a very intimidating color
  • Weakness: Have all the makings of a team that stays just competitive enough to keep their fans clinging to hope through a 7-9 season
  • Player To Watch: Everyone respects a player toughing through injury, but it remains to be seen how Michael Turner expects to produce without his surgically removed left foot
  • Biggest Question: Can the Braves' return to relevance in baseball keep people distracted as the Falcons start 0-3?

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

  • Strength: They play the Rams, so at least one of those teams won't have to lose every game this season
  • Weakness: Looking at this roster, it may not be the best year to play in a stadium where fans have access to several functioning cannons
  • Intangibles: Signing a rookie wide receiver named Mike Williams has done nothing but backfire throughout the entire history of the league
  • Player To Watch: Remember Warrick Dunn? He was a fun player to watch. Seemed like a genuinely nice guy, too

Carolina Panthers

  • Strength: John Fox is likely coaching for his job, so you can bet this team will bring their best each week
  • Weakness: John Fox is likely coaching for his job, so Sundays will reek of the stench of desperation
  • Biggest Question: Remind us again where this team is from exactly?
  • Intangibles: Regardless of their performance on the field, every member of this team will one day die

New Orleans Saints

  • Strength: Drew Brees didn't lose his right arm in a logging accident, so that bodes well
  • Weakness: Really showing how shallow they are by hanging a gaudy Super Bowl Champions banner up right in the stadium
  • Intangibles: City loves the team and all, but would gladly sacrifice every Saints win for functional houses and an oil-free Gulf
  • Biggest Question: Can the Saints play well enough to reinvigorate the job outlook and restore industry to a broken and defeated metropolitan area?
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