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Report: Gonzaga’s In Washington, Right?

NEW YORK—Ahead of the team’s first-round game against Seton Hall in the NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament, a new report released Thursday revealed that Gonzaga is in Washington state, right?

Teary-Eyed Robert Griffin III Slips On Draft Day Suit Again

WASHINGTON—With several tears streaming down his face as he stood alone in his bedroom’s walk-in closet, sources confirmed Wednesday that former Washington Redskins quarterback Robert Griffin III slipped on the suit he wore to the 2012 NFL Draft.
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NFC South

Atlanta Falcons

  • Strength: It's been more than a year since Matt Ryan appeared in a Gillette commercial, so the Gillette commercial curse should have run its course; Black is still a very intimidating color
  • Weakness: Have all the makings of a team that stays just competitive enough to keep their fans clinging to hope through a 7-9 season
  • Player To Watch: Everyone respects a player toughing through injury, but it remains to be seen how Michael Turner expects to produce without his surgically removed left foot
  • Biggest Question: Can the Braves' return to relevance in baseball keep people distracted as the Falcons start 0-3?

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

  • Strength: They play the Rams, so at least one of those teams won't have to lose every game this season
  • Weakness: Looking at this roster, it may not be the best year to play in a stadium where fans have access to several functioning cannons
  • Intangibles: Signing a rookie wide receiver named Mike Williams has done nothing but backfire throughout the entire history of the league
  • Player To Watch: Remember Warrick Dunn? He was a fun player to watch. Seemed like a genuinely nice guy, too

Carolina Panthers

  • Strength: John Fox is likely coaching for his job, so you can bet this team will bring their best each week
  • Weakness: John Fox is likely coaching for his job, so Sundays will reek of the stench of desperation
  • Biggest Question: Remind us again where this team is from exactly?
  • Intangibles: Regardless of their performance on the field, every member of this team will one day die

New Orleans Saints

  • Strength: Drew Brees didn't lose his right arm in a logging accident, so that bodes well
  • Weakness: Really showing how shallow they are by hanging a gaudy Super Bowl Champions banner up right in the stadium
  • Intangibles: City loves the team and all, but would gladly sacrifice every Saints win for functional houses and an oil-free Gulf
  • Biggest Question: Can the Saints play well enough to reinvigorate the job outlook and restore industry to a broken and defeated metropolitan area?

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