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The Onion Introduces: The Book Bjorn

Replete with an astonishing assemblage of facts, illustrations, maps, charts, threats, blood and additional fees to edify even the most simple-minded book-buyer, The Onion Book Of Known Knowledge is packed with valuable information--such as the life stage...

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

Greatest Super Bowl Halftime Shows

The Super Bowl halftime show is a long tradition as occasionally exciting as the game itself. The Onion takes a look back at the all-time greatest Super Bowl halftime shows.

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed.

Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.
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NFL Fans Excited To Finally Bitch About Regular Referees

NEW YORK—After three controversy-filled weeks, the NFL finally reached a deal with its locked-out officials Thursday, sparking waves of excitement from fans longing to bitch and complain about non-replacement referees again. “It’s about damn time, I was starting to wonder if I’d ever get the chance to call the regular refs a bunch of blind-as-fuck dipshits again,” said Jets fan Herb Krzynski, adding that it “just hasn’t felt the same” threatening to injure replacement officials in the parking lot after games. “Honestly, it was hurting the integrity of the game to have us terrorizing the family members of those replacement referees on Facebook. It’s going to feel so much better doing that to the normal referees.” When reached for comment, several of the replacement referees also expressed their excitement to return to officiating at high school and junior college games where they get bitched at by real fans instead of “drunk corporate pricks in $900 seats.”

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Sixth Super Bowl Win Continues To Elude Patriots

HOUSTON—As disappointed players and coaches returned to the locker room following the end of Super Bowl LI, members of the New England Patriots acknowledged to reporters Sunday that the team’s sixth Super Bowl title continues to elude them.

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