adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

NFL Fines Chad Johnson For Elaborate Catch

CINCINNATI, OH—The NFL Competition Committee levied a $35,000 fine against Bengals wide receiver Chad Johnson Thursday for an excessive reception in the fourth quarter of Sunday's game against the Titans. "After conclusively studying the film of Chad Johnson's leaping three-yard touchdown catch, we found that it was clearly a jab at the other team," said NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, who felt the Pro-Bowl receiver's flagrant display of athletic ability was "gaudy" and "went beyond the bounds of good taste." "Did Johnson need to jump that high and stretch his arms that far out in order to catch the ball? I don't really think so… We need to warn him that if he pulls any more aerial stunts like this he will be suspended." Goodell added that he had reason believed Johnson's attention-grabbing end-zone antics were premeditated, and that such catches were rehearsed dozens of times during the week with the full cooperation of his team.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close