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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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NFL Forbids Chiefs From Creating Their Own Schedule Again Next Season

NEW YORK—Assuring reporters that the team will soon be “back on a level playing field,” NFL commissioner Roger Goodell announced Tuesday that the currently undefeated Kansas City Chiefs will not be permitted to create their own schedule again next season. “Though we allowed them to make these decisions this time around, the Kansas City Chiefs will not be able to handpick which NFC and AFC divisions they’re matched up against next year,” said Goodell, adding that in order to maintain parity across both conferences, the Chiefs will not be authorized to once again dictate which games they play at home or the timing of their bye week. “We felt it wasn’t in the best interests of the league to invite Kansas City’s upper management back to the NFL front office next April to choose their opponents, the order in which they play those opponents, each week’s kickoff time, and the location of every game. Letting the Chiefs select the absolute easiest schedule possible ultimately reflects poorly on the NFL as a whole, and was clearly an abuse of the privilege.” Goodell also noted that the league may allow the Jacksonville Jaguars to choose their schedule next season, but admitted to reporters “it probably won’t make a difference anyway.”

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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

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