MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed. “As of today, the National Football League will no longer have a claim to merchandising, marketing, or any other use of the ‘Super Bowl’ brand,” said industry expert Jason Galecki of the American Marketing Association, noting that in light of its decision to relinquish the name, the league has been forced to modify the stadium logos, game jerseys, and even commemorative T-shirts for the upcoming championship to reflect the new title, “Big Game 51.” “By letting its ownership of ‘Super Bowl’ expire, the NFL has also lost all associated terms, including ‘Lombardi Trophy,’ which will now be known as the ‘Tagliabue Cup.’ Should the league ever choose to mention the name ‘Super Bowl’ in the future, it may be subject to litigation for trademark infringement.” At press time, sources confirmed that the rights to the name “Super Bowl” had been quickly purchased by PepsiCo for $25 billion.

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