adBlockCheck

Sports

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
End Of Section
  • More News

NFL Loses Rights To ‘Super Bowl’

NEW YORK—After failing to agree to terms for a new licensing agreement before the February 3 deadline, the NFL lost the rights to the term “Super Bowl” on Friday, sources confirmed. “As of today, the National Football League will no longer have a claim to merchandising, marketing, or any other use of the ‘Super Bowl’ brand,” said industry expert Jason Galecki of the American Marketing Association, noting that in light of its decision to relinquish the name, the league has been forced to modify the stadium logos, game jerseys, and even commemorative T-shirts for the upcoming championship to reflect the new title, “Big Game 51.” “By letting its ownership of ‘Super Bowl’ expire, the NFL has also lost all associated terms, including ‘Lombardi Trophy,’ which will now be known as the ‘Tagliabue Cup.’ Should the league ever choose to mention the name ‘Super Bowl’ in the future, it may be subject to litigation for trademark infringement.” At press time, sources confirmed that the rights to the name “Super Bowl” had been quickly purchased by PepsiCo for $25 billion.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close