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OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

Mr. Met’s Son Beginning To Think He Adopted

NEW YORK—Pointing out that there was little physical resemblance between himself and the rest of his family, the 10-year-old son of New York Mets mascot Mr. Met told reporters Tuesday that he was beginning to think he was adopted.

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.
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'NFL On Fox' Host Blasted For Failing To Razz Terry Bradshaw

LOS ANGELES—Curt Menefee, host of Fox's successful pregame show Fox NFL Sunday, received a stern warning from studio executives Monday for his failure to razz analyst Terry Bradshaw on at least six separate occasions during Sunday's broadcast. "Our award-winning NFL coverage is founded upon three central tenets: covering every angle, breaking every story, and really giving it to Terry about his bald head or dopey accent," said Fox Sports CEO David Hill, who later confirmed that James Brown's refusal to make fun of Bradshaw's lack of intelligence played a role in the former host's release. "Curt needs to shape up a little and remember that he's a journalist with a job to do." When asked for comment on the matter, Menefee released a statement of apology and admitted that he "spaced out a bit Sunday…kind of like Michael Strahan's front teeth."

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New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.

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