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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.
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'NFL On Fox' Host Blasted For Failing To Razz Terry Bradshaw

LOS ANGELES—Curt Menefee, host of Fox's successful pregame show Fox NFL Sunday, received a stern warning from studio executives Monday for his failure to razz analyst Terry Bradshaw on at least six separate occasions during Sunday's broadcast. "Our award-winning NFL coverage is founded upon three central tenets: covering every angle, breaking every story, and really giving it to Terry about his bald head or dopey accent," said Fox Sports CEO David Hill, who later confirmed that James Brown's refusal to make fun of Bradshaw's lack of intelligence played a role in the former host's release. "Curt needs to shape up a little and remember that he's a journalist with a job to do." When asked for comment on the matter, Menefee released a statement of apology and admitted that he "spaced out a bit Sunday…kind of like Michael Strahan's front teeth."

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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

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